SEASONS AND PHASES AND CHANGES

 

So I’m thinking about seasons. The thoughts have been whirling in my head for a while, and since I write to clarify, pardon me if I drag you along on this short journey to make sense of all I’ve been thinking. Maybe another word to use would be times…like times of life? Let me explain and see if I can make this any clearer; because I’m even confusing myself.

I’ve had a fairly dynamic life. I mean this in the sense that it’s recorded a lot of twists and turns. Things have happened that have changed me or changed my path. Many times I caught the wind so to speak, and was able to adjust my sails. Other times I was a bit slow on the uptake, and so I ended up drifting, or trying to catch up.

In the midst of our days, our work and our planning, life will sometimes throw us a set of circumstances that will dictate that our actions change. That’s what I mean by seasons. Sometimes you lose a job just in time to realise that it now gives you freedom to pursue that hobby you’ve always loved. Sometimes you fail at something so many times that you try something else out of frustration, and you hit pay dirt. You go clubbing every night, until your idiot friend gets into a fight with someone else and you guys are kicked out, the embarrassment keeps you at home long enough to finally start on that business plan that has been looking at you for 2 years. Your boyfriend tells you one day that he’s no longer in love with you, and after crying your heart out, you wipe your eyes one day and meet a guy who swears that you were the one kept on earth for him to find.

The thing is this, so many of us are scared of change. We love the status quo. And so even when changes come, we panic, we cling to the security of the familiar. We refuse to even contemplate the possibility of a new direction. But if you could only take the time to review this new situation, it is usually a signal, a toot of the horn, telling us that it’s time to move on, step up or move out.

I had bad culture shock when I moved to Lagos. From working in an organization where I knew my role and my value, in a town where everything was familiar, I moved to a place with no assurances, a state so huge that it seemed impossible that I would ever learn my way around. I suffered from depression, developed anxiety issues, I was not fun. Then I started to write, mainly as a way to get my head into position. As I wrote, I realised 3 things, that I loved to write, that I actually had some idea of what I was doing, and that my value as a person did not depend on a job designation. So I wrote and wrote and wrote…poetry, short stories, articles…I wrote it all. And now I’m back in Abuja, back in a 9 – 5, but I have brought to this new place all the gifts I gained while I was in that season of uncertainty in Lagos and I have brought them to play in my new way of life, and I am much better for it.

There are seasons that crisscross our daily lives. A job that was fulfilling 6 months ago suddenly starts feeling like an outfit that shrank in the wash. You find yourself looking at someone who used to be your best friend and wondering when you stopped having so much in common. A relationship that used to make you laugh that causes a sigh of weary resignation. Circumstances change, you change, and all of a sudden things that used to be a part of your life slip out of gear and refuse to fit back in. Sometimes you find yourself contemplating things that never used to make sense; you find yourself spending less time with certain friends and spending more time with new friends who have the kind of priorities you’re trying to develop, you get tired of perennially chatting about things that no longer matter and more time working on that proposal that you’d been talking about forever, you suddenly realise how much you love to cook…about the same time you realise how little you like 9 to 5 jobs…seasons.

Seasons I believe, are God’s way of removing or introducing things in your life. They are the changes that might happen when you have achieved a level of growth, or when it is time to look to a new direction. They might indicate when it is time for certain habits to end, or new ones to start. After writing in a journal for 10 years, writing articles for a few magazines, sharing my thoughts with friends and family, I grew to a realization that I could be more organized about my writing, share them on a better platform, so now I blog, one day, I will put together enough material for a book, and become an author, and then who knows what direction my life will take from there.

I used to be scared of change. I used to dread the signs that indicated to me that I was about to lose the familiar, I needed to feel safe. But circumstances have arisen in my life that left me with no choice but to adapt, and as I did, I grew. My seasons have made me grow. Recently I’ve started to feel my winds shifting again, I’m not sure what’s coming next, but I’m already making adjustments, I assure you I will be ready for it, whatever it is, I will take it on and move into yet another place in my life.

I don’t know if I’ve made enough sense of this. I think that basically I’m trying to say that life is meant to change, that’s the only way we grow. So when things seem to change for no reason, when they no longer fit, take a minute, step back and and then…take a deep breath, adjust your sails and change direction.

 

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MUSINGS FROM MY OFFICE TABLE – 9TH JULY

So I’m sitting at my table, it is now 8.48pm and I have finally admitted that I am too tired to do any more work. I try not to work so late but the truth is, I’m a bit of a workaholic. I love to work…not busy work or any old paper work, but work with a target and an aim. It’s one of the reasons why I love my job so much – apart from the fact that I get to boss a bunch of people around, I’m also part of a team responsible for creating a working structure for an organization; I’m a policy maker. I mean, how cool is that???

So anyway, I’ve been typing away like mad all day (I’m working on reports), and I’ve just realized that the last 30 or so minutes have seen me more and more easily distracted, so I decided to check up on everyone, and share what I’m thinking of. Forgive me if I mistakenly assume you’ll find this interesting. Lol!

I’m happy and sad that the icecream place by my office has probably closed – happy because I’m a lactose intolerant ice-cream addict and sad because…well…I’m a lactose intolerant ice-cream addict. 

I’m thinking about my deadline, and trying to decide whether to just suck it in and finish the 5 pages to go, or go home and continue before I sleep.

I’m thinking about the wonder of sitting at my table and writing words that someone in Iceland will read very shortly. (By the way, my readers from Iceland and Denmark, you totally rock! God bless you!)

I’m taking a minute again to thank God for my life – I’m glad I get reminded of how good my life is, and I try to remind myself to never forget and to stay grateful, because when in the not so distant (by God’s grace) future, when I’m a millionaire travelling the world in my Manolos, I don’t want to ever fool myself into thinking my life was always so great, I want to remember when it wasn’t so awesome, and be grateful again for  how good it will be then. And so I guess I’d better develop the habit of conscious gratitude now.

I reconciled with a friend today, someone I haven’t spoken to in almost a year. I called, we talked and it felt good. and I remembered the Bible verse that says the end of the ways of the righteous man is peace. I’m always so glad when that verse comes true in my life. It was a silly disagreement…it wasn’t even a disagreement, just a gradual trail off into not speaking to each other, but I am grateful and relieved that I have made an attempt to restore that relationship.

Hmmm…what else…oh yeah! I’ve just rounded up a 7 day program in my church – the Commonwealth of Zion Assembly, and I’m excited about the rest of the year. it’s always great to take a minute…or a day…or seven, to reflect on your life so far, appraise your steps and decisions, and then get guidance for the rest of the year, especially when I consider all the changes I’ve been through since the beginning of the year. It was an awesome time and I’m ready to take on the rest of the year!

I’m wondering what the rest of the year will bring…what surprises, what sudden twists, what new paths…and I’m thinking about the fact that I am not worried, only excited.

I’m taking a minute to be grateful for you my dear readers. In this quiet office with the whirring of the fan and the clacking of the keyboard keys for company, I’m grateful for you all, and I pray that you all have an opportunity to live your best lives now. God bless you guys.

Ok, methinks I’d better head home and stop deceiving myself. the journey from office to home should be enough time for my brain to rest so I can put in a few more hours of work before bed. 

Have a wonderful evening you guys, talk to you soon