I’m not a New Year’s person this year, which is weird because I usually am…but perhaps it’s because for me, my New Year started on the 3rd of September…my birthday. However, it is, with or without my cooperation, the last day of the year. And seeing the retrospectives from others has made me reflect on this year and what I want for next year.
1. This was my travel year. I went to Mauritius, passed through Dubai and holidayed in Zanzibar. Me, the same girl who would spend 6 months every year poring over Trip advisor visitors to Ghana, and then conclude sadly that I couldn’t afford it for yet another year. That same me bought a ticket and travelled, on holiday, on my dime. Everytime I think of it, I smile. God is awesome guys, leave it.
2. I stretched at work. 3 shows this year, I produced and presented in all. Looking at them, I learned so much in the process, I have developed so much in the last year. I learned to work smarter (I still dey learn that one sha), learned to delegate better, learned to go with my instincts and TRUST that I know what to do. My show got expanded to 30 minutes and I am so wowed by God’s goodness. And the comments – social media, real life, the random people who walk up to me and say “EL right? Good work”. I don’t know o. I don’t know. I’m just humbled and grateful and so determined to do better.
3. I lost…hmmm, this year I lost a mentor and adopted mum. The same woman who looked me in the eye one year plus ago and told me I would do well. Sometimes she would look at me and say “Hmmm, this my daughter is going to be great. And when I come to visit her, they’ll say – Who are you please? And I will reply, Come on! Tell my daughter that her mother is here to see her”. She believed in me…she scolded me…she nurtured me…wept and laughed with me…she gave me the privilege of being one of the many children she held in her large heart and my heart still breaks, my eyes still fill with tears when I allow myself to realise again that the woman I called “Mama” has gone. I know she’s in heaven, I know she’s probably looking down at me and going “Hey…this my daughter is at it again” I know, but still I miss her so much.
There were also other losses, of friendship. Some fell from my hands, others I let go off. Some were hard, some were easy. But at the end of the day, looking back, all I am is grateful
4. I learned…guys if there is nothing else I did this year, I learned, and those are the lessons I will carry with me into 2014.
a. I learned to be less apologetic about who I am; my quirks and my flaws…I have been commanded to become Unapologetic. I’m still working on it, but we shall reach it one day.
b. I learned to listen more. To ask questions before I give advice. To hear. I realised that, in a bid to say the right things, I was listening less to the ones opening themselves up to me, so that will change
c. I learned to pause, that sometimes, inactivity is not a sign of ignorance, but patience. I will find myself rushing less into things.It’s ok to say “Let me get back to you on that”
d. This year saw me suffer the worst health I have had in ages…and it is because I didn’t take care of myself. No sleep, no food, no rest, no pausing to be. I have agreed that I am not a cyborg, and so, when my body says, “No work today”, I will learn not to fight so hard. I have started working on it, I’ll keep on it.
e. I learned, in various places, to say “No, this decision does not value me”. It was hard, because I am one made to please, but the resentment of doing things I didn’t want to, it’s pointless. Let me say “Yes” with excitement, or else “No” with grace. The world will not end.
f. I am learning to step away from convention in my faith, and to step into authenticity. Honesty, nakedness before God. It’s easier sometimes than others, but He is an ever present help.
g. I am learning to also seek authenticity in my friendships. My friends had better all be people who aren’t afraid to speak and hear the truth in love. It’s also my responsibility to ask the questions, look beyond the “Fine”, be a friend. I will do my best
h. Finally, I am learning self acceptance. I will never go to bed at 10pm, I tend to grouchiness and anti social behaviour, I spend more than I should, I do all these and more. But, I will stop trying to fit into a mould of who I think I should be. As long as I follow God’s heart for me, and I am doing this, I will grow, evolve into the person He created me to be. I need to accept that I am already all I am meant to be, and trust His process to bring the best me forward. I will live life in full, glowing technicolour, play my tune no matter how discordant it might sound. actively practice gratitude. I will laugh, be silent, take time apart to be with me. I will enjoy 2015, I owe myself no less.
To you my wonderful readers, who patiently wait for my irregular posts and comment so kindly and generously. May God bless you. May His storehouses open richly to you and may He pour you out such an abundant blessing that you will have to call neighbours to share it. May your mouths be full of laughter and testimonies. May your hearts be filled with joy. May your souls be at peace. And may He never be farther from you than the reach of a whispered thought. God bless you, and thank you
3. I lost