A little while ago, my stylist sent me an outfit – it was totally gorgeous, I absolutely loved it. The next morning, she called me and in the middle of my effusive thanks for such a great job, her subdued voice broke in; the designer of the outfit had called her in a fit of anger to complain about her giving the dress to me – The designer didn’t want me wearing her dress, I was not a celebrity, she didn’t know me and she only wanted celebs wearing her clothes. My stylist apologised and I apologised back to her for the embarrassment that dulled an otherwise beautiful job.

Did it hurt me…damn right it did. No one wants to feel like they are not good enough for anything. But that’s life isn’t it? The whole experience taught me 3 vital lessons sha:

  1. People are entitled to their choices, whether we like them or not. No matter how much it wants to pain me that said designer would not let anyone below a certain (privately ascertained) celeb status wear her clothes, it was her choice and entitlement and I cannot condemn her for it
  2. Remember the good. I have a number of designers who have been excited to have me wear their clothes. Will I now forget all those wonderful ones because of the one who doesn’t think me worthy? I remember someone complaining once that celebs will ignore millions of positive comments to clap back for the 1 person who gives a negative. It’s human nature I know, and so abeg, I will choose my focus deliberately
  3. Finally, no matter what else people may be to you, remember that they are still people. I work in an industry that treats people like resources – you meet someone and immediately factor out how they can be useful to you. I remember meeting someone who sharply asked for my number. Eager to make a new friend, I gave it to her. Then I started to notice that every time she called, no matter how randomly the conversation started, it would always circle back to my office and opportunities available. After the 4th time, I stopped being so available. A few weeks later, I met someone who could potentially be influential to my career, immediately I started planning ways to build the relationship. Na him Holy Spirit just tap me for shoulder come give me side eye, and I realised I was about to do the same thing I had gotten irritated at another for doing. Bottom line sha, people are people – not resources, not platforms, not networks…they are people first.

In conclusion, I am not upset anymore about the designer. I will just carry the lessons I have learned and go my way.

Have a fantastic day my people


Someone hurts you and you get on your knees at 12 midnight and give God a very specific list of retributions to hand to the person that dared to touch His anointed

Then Vengeance is mine begins to play on a loop in your spirit and so the next time you are wronged, you “leave the person to God”, still confident that their hair will fall out/landlord will evict them/boss will sack them.

Then one day you’re praying and when you get to where you’re handing your list of People Who Need The Lord’s Vengeance, Abba whispers ever so sweetly “What if I don’t want to punish them?”

You look up suspiciously, God and this His sense of humor sef, but He repeats…no, I don’t want to punish them. And you realise that Dude has flipped the script on you again.

Question: If all things work for your good, are bad things really bad? And if they aren’t, should you be asking God to judge anyone?

(Yeah I needed some time to think about it as well)

Imagine this  – you have a boss whose only source of joy is making you cry and so you undergo months of verbal abuse. One day, you are so depressed you start leafing through your journal and then come across a business plan you drew some years ago. You realise, hold up, I can make this work. And so the abuse becomes the fuel that pushes you into becoming the first person to produce freeze dried, fully organic baby food. Do you still think God should punish that boss?

Sometimes things that happen to you aren’t for you but for the other person. So if someone hurts you and God uses that hurt to heal a part of that person, has God been fair? Should you still expect punishment for them?

Our natural perspective is “God, fight my battles for me and defeat my enemies”, except, this world is full of hurting, broken people who hurt other people. It’s a jump to go from “God, deal with this person who made me cry”, to “God, may this pain that they caused me be the path to their healing”. It’s a big, difficult jump.

You realise that God loves ERRBODY! Including the lover who broke your heart, the co-worker who got you fired, the parent who never seemed to see the good in you…He loves them all, He has a plan for them all, and He wants healing for them all.

This is why the concept of closure can be problematic; because it is dependent on a balancing of accounts according to your perspective. And sometimes that may never happen.

You may never get that moment when the person, in true Nollywood style, comes crashing to their knees before you, wailing their remorse with great salty tears and snot puring from their swollen noses, while you, totally vindicated, gaze upon them with a saintly smirk and utter the words you have stored for ages “I forgive you”

If you never get that moment, has justice been served?

Can you look up and say “God, this situation broke me, but I get that there are things that I don’t see in it, so even though I never get the vindication I deserve, I know and trust You enough to know that justice will be served. Perhaps not the justice where one is vindicated and another punished, but the judgement that nonetheless speaks of balance and yes,grace. Even if it means that I never see this person “punished”, You are still fair and You are still good and YOU ARE STILL RIGHT

It takes stepping out of yourself and into God’s perspective. It takes giant withdrawals of grace from the Heavenly account. It takes giving up our opinion of what is fair and trusting a plan that you might never understand.

It’s not easy, but it is worth it