BE – ING

I’ve been wanting to switch up my writing style for a bit…felt like I was becoming a bit too one dimensional. I love sharing life lessons and so on, but every single day that passes by I become aware of how much more there is to life than I am aware of, and I want to go back to learning, to being a student, to discovering all the many layers that exist in me, all the many layers that exist in the world, find our balance, find my space, and inhabit that space with grace…that kinda stuff.

After months of diddling over writing, amazing how easily the words are flowing from my fingers…I’m not joking I have like 5 blogposts in my head…none written…which makes it all rather pointless abi? But in good news, I finally got some fiction written again, a story I have had in my head for 3 years…I miss writing fiction and poetry but it has felt like there are no stories in my head for a bit, I think maybe I got so caught up in reality that fiction was a bit too much to deal with. But anyway, new story written…it’s not perfect, but the more I write, the better I will get…I can’t wait till I get again to that point of writing at 2am in the morning, words flowing from my fingers almost too fast for me to catch, and when I’m done, to read the words and think to myself with awe “where on earth did that come from?”

I’ve had quite an interesting journey since the beginning of this year, so much changing in me that in turn is changing how I see the world. At the beginning of this year God said to me that my eyes would see HIm, in typical human fashion I imagined huge earth shaking miracles, what I got instead was tiny shifts that totally changed my perspective. I did see God, I continue to see Him. He unveiled Himself to me in a way that has had me casting away so many things that I held as beliefs, and seeking for an indepth look into the essence of this One whom we worship. I have become more aware of Him in my life, in my world, in the things and people around me, He continues to strip me down to my essence, and in doing so, unveils daily to me a person that I never imagined I could be.

Going forward, everything I am and do will be encapsulated in one word “Be”. I continue to be tired of doing, of making…I want to be, to walk confident in my place in the world, and by my very existence, to fulfil the purpose I have been placed here for. Thing is, I’ve been headed here for a while abi, this journey has been happening for like 3/4 years now…it started with this post I think. Anyway sha, we’re on the road.

So I am accepting – my “bad” and my good. Becoming more and more unapologetic in my identity and my choices. I am experiencing freedom to a degree that seemed impossible before, and it is not in becoming a “better” person, but in becoming, quite simply, fully who I have always been. Odd distinction but the truth. One of the things I have accepted is my complete laziness. That one can’t change, because now I’m writing this blogpost and asking myself what on earth took me so long.

Anyway, here’s to more fiction, here’s to the hopeful return of my poetry, here’s to living and loving and laughing, here’s to authenticity, here’s to a rejection of perfection, to the embracing of the flawed completion that I am…that is the I AM…God in me.

Oh and the story itself, well it needs some more work, but I’m just happy I wrote it sha. I was beginning to feel like I had been abandoned in a desert.

And in a totally random aside, I have had power issues and a non functioning fridge for quite a while, meaning I can’t hoard food like I like to do, meaning I can’t wake up in the morning and languidly prepare whatever I want and it’s messing with my head…and my pocket. Like now I’m craving gizdodo, but I can’t make it because no gizzard in my fridge, because no light. It’s very hard for me to deal right now

Oh and as I’m typing, my door is open and I can see the expressway and I am very enthralled by the whizz of cars going past. I’m fascinated by cars and roads, maybe because of my innate restlessness. I like the freedom and movement they represent.

And I need to upload all the 5 million pictures I have taken on my last 3 trips and share them with you. I asked God to travel to 6 countries this year. 4 down, 1 coming up and I’m hoping He gives me the 6th as a fabulous Christmas present. Plus I finally think I’m ready to start travelling outside Africa…so if you have a trip coming up and you want someone who just likes to pack load and travel, holler at your girl.

My downstairs neighbour is cooking and the food is messing with my thought processes, let me go and greet her, it has been a while.

I’m not promising to write more because honestly there’s no point. But let’s hope I can at least get my act together a little more abi.

Thank you for reading…as always, and guhbye

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