IT WAS A SET UP!

Guys! It was a set up o!!! Abba set me up WELL! I couldn’t even wait till next Sunday to gist you people this gist.

Hmmm, so I called our housekeeper today as promised. When she answered, I asked her in tones of controlled indignation what happened to my toilet. Her answer? “Nothing Ma”. So I told her it wasn’t flushing and below was her reply

She hasn’t pushed the flush button on my toilet since it went bad because of all the trouble it took to fix, so she uses a bucket from my shower. On Saturday, she noticed water was running into the bowl again, so she turned off the water and left it. Didn’t call me because she didn’t have credit.

Brethren, as she was speaking I was just sinking lower and lower in my chair until I was almost under it. HAAAAAY!!! See, when I came back and it wasn’t flushing, I lifted the tank cover myself, in other words, I was the one that made the bits fall out, in other other words, NA ME USE MY OWN HAND SPOIL MY TOILET!!!

HAAAAYYYY! I needed to sit in a corner and just think about my life.

So I’m just here right, relating this whole gist to Abba, and then He does one of those “You missed something” coughs. Now last week, almost the exact same thing happened to me, i.e. someone accused me of something I had not even gone near doing. I was hurt, angry and had written the person’s name in my black book in permanent marker.

So I gazed suspiciously upwards and asked “So You’re saying….?”

“So I’m saying it’s very easy to come to the wrong conclusion, especially if it’s something you’re lowkey already worried about, and perhaps you need to take the person that offended you out of your black book because girl you just accused someone else the exact same way”

And then He said “Gotcha!!!”

*takes a minute to side eye Heaven*

Guys Abba set me up o! Shebi I said I was looking for the lesson, toh…there’s my lesson.

I just can’t believe He did me this thing that He did me!

So yeah I’ve forgiven the person…almost…working on it…sigh…

Ok I’ve forgiven, I just need a minute for the vex to go but yeah…forgiven

*side eyes Heaven again*

 

 

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THE ADVENTURES OF MENO AND HER LOO

I’m having a problem with my toilet, and no, toilet is not a metaphor for anything. I’m having a problem with my actual real life toilet.

Let me start this story from the beginning

Actually, first a prologue – I have a gorgeous bathroom, beautifully tiled, large, enough storage…it is perfect.

My perfect bathroom had a not so perfect toilet, the issue – I would flush and water would continue running into the bowl for hours. It was noisy, got on my nerves and wasted water.

So I called a technician and you know that ogbanje thing that happens where, you call someone to fix a problem and then the thing you have the issue with stays stubbornly well behaved. My toilet flushed and stopped with the precision of a soldier on parade.

The plumber looked at it, looked at me and left. 2 seconds later, the water started running again

The problem had subsided though, so instead of running for hours, the water would trickle for 5 minutes and stop. I was ok with it.

However, one day, a plumber was passing my our kitchen door and our housekeeper helpfully suggested that he check out the toilet. I wasn’t as concerned, but I was cooking and distracted, so I said ok. He came back 5 minutes later in a flush of excitement and declared that some part was broken. Suspicious, I went to discover that he had locked the water and somehow stopped the toilet from flushing.

The next day I came back from work to find out that the plumber had, by some previously unknown act of gross inefficiency, completely wrecked my toilet. It now would no longer even flush at all.

I dragged him upstairs and we both stood peering at the toilet. “It doesn’t flush” I told him. “Ah yes” he replied, “but e no dey run for inside bowl again”

I have a bright future ahead of me so I held myself back from drowning him in the (non running) toilet bowl and instructed him to come and repair what he had done. He promptly made himself scarce and only then was I told that he had never seen my type of toilet before and had no idea how to work it.

Friends and loved ones, this was the beginning of my woes and tribulations. I called the first plumber back and for weeks, he would come, try something, it wouldn’t work, he would vanish, I would call, he would assure, show up, try something…ad nauseum.

And then, one day the Holy Spirit whispered to him and gave him a solution and when I came back, (cue hallelujah chorus) I had a toilet that could flush. Guys, do you know what a big deal it is to push a button and have your toilet flush? If you have a flushing toilet please take a minute to give praise, I’ll wait

(One Minute Later)

My life went back to bliss and ease, until this evening, when I came home, tried to flush my toilet and realised that…it was not flushing.

As far as I can deduce, the housekeeper somehow wrecked it (I don’t even know how she could have at this point), called someone to fix it (there are free moving bits where free moving bits should not be), saw it had gotten worse and turned off the water (WHAT IS IT WITH THESE PEOPLE AND TURNING OFF THE WATER?????) and then took off for the weekend. It was too late when I discovered this, so I have to wait till tomorrow (ARGGGHHHH) and then call her to find out what the HECK happened.

I am so frustrated that I cried for 5 minutes before starting this post. Guys see…big issues don’t stress me – I hunker down and go into survival mode. Little issues sha…those glitches in perfectly working (water) systems…ah they pull the rug from under me and leave me without a plan.

I would like to end this by sharing a deep lesson the Lord has taught me from this experience, but alas, there is none. If you have an idea of what the Lord might be trying to tell me through this, please let me know, because I’m out of revelations.

I need you to pray for me though, I have a bright future and I really don’t want to wreck it by getting arrested for drowning a housekeeper in the toilet.