So first, I’ve decided that I will blog as thoughts come to my head. Now this might mean that my blogposts might be a bit shorter, but at least I’m no longer putting things off because I don’t have time to write as I please.
So I was chatting with a friend and somehow, the discussion turned to children. I’m not sure what I said, but his response was that when he had daughters, he would raise them to be good wives.
The words he used struck me, and I immediately asked him why he said “wives” instead of “people”. His answer was along the lines of – ehn I will bring them up to be good people but you see, if I don’t start early…there is a chance that they might be too…*and then he pauses and looks at me uncomfortably*…independent.
So I ask – “like me?” And he goes “yes, you’re too independent; you don’t seem to need a man or anyone”.
Hmmm…guys, this made me wonder. You see ehn…sometimes I ask God why He made me the kind of person that derives so much joy from my work. No joke…nothing makes me happier than facing a challenge and getting it done…it is a genuine rush. And yes I am pretty independent – and happily, purposefully so.
I don’t know that I want to be the kind of woman who gets married because she needs a man…I have a full life guys – honestly! between my work, my dreams, my friends and my family, my growth and my God…I literally have everything I need. Now I KNOW for an absolute fact, that when a partner comes into my life, it will be someone whom I complement and who complements me. My independence and strength will be an asset – not a liability. How do I know this? Because my Abba would not make me this way if He knew I needed to be otherwise.
Through a series of lessons and experiences – He has bent and shaped me (and continues to do so) tempering my strength with kindness, tempering my too easily swayed heart with a steady calm logic, tempering my slightly suspicious nature with an unshakeable belief that everyone has good in them…I am moulded daily, into who He wants me to be
I digress tho – this was the bit that made me pause – we bring up our girls with the mindset that their purpose in life is to support their husband – and that’s good…do we also teach them that this support is for the man that they will marry, not for every passerby that says “I think I like you”, do we teach them that to be good wives/mothers/employers – they first need to be complete people – secure in their OWN identity – able to stand their ground when life’s storms come, do we teach them that there is an identity outside marriage – that they must learn what they love/hate/fear/desire – so that they do not enter marriage incomplete, hiding their lack of an identity behind the Mrs mask? Do our daughters know that they must live each day to the fullest – so that they go into marriage ready, with a heart full of lessons learned and wisdom gained?
Hmmm guys…if God blesses me with a daughter, I want to teach her that she is a priceless gem, and to carry herself in such a way that the less than worthy know to stay away. I want to teach her to love and live and laugh and learn every day, to build herself because only when she is a complete person can she be a good partner. I want her to enter marriage conscious that it is a part of her purpose and not the summation of her life’s existence. I want her to be unabashedly, exultantly strong and to celebrate that strength because there will be days when her partner will be afraid, will doubt, will be confused and she will need to draw from that strength to carry them both. I want her to be independent so that she does not lose the preciousness of her identity as she walks with another, to bring her gifts to the table and have her partner know that “mehhhhnnnn, I got a good deal”
I am grateful for the independent spirit my Abba has blessed me with. Only time will determine why He has chosen the processes that have shaped the person that I am. But I know that when the fullness of His purpose is revealed…it will make perfect sense.
But I need to yab that my friend small sha…so na me him wan use as an example to his children “Girls, don’t be like Auntie Arit o. She is too independent!” Hian! Issokay.