CLUTCHING THE SIDE OF THIS BOAT

I’m suspecting that my theme for this month might well be transition, because so many things are popping up in this month that I just need to share. This month – this transition is opening my eyes to so many new things; let me share some of the lessons I’ve learned so far:

1. Not every transition is easy. Yes sometimes it’s clearcut – you know with clarity and certainty that your time in this place/with this person is over and it is time to move on. But sometimes it’s not so easy – I had a job I loved; I enjoyed working with kids, carrying out my teacher mentoring sessions, working with my incredible team of admin girls. Management position, oversight functions over almost 100 staff;  it was hard. I had to think long and hard about whether I really wanted to leave all that to a totally new field and effectively start from scratch.

Don’t be deceived into thinking that every decision that you need to make must be easy. Sometimes these things break your heart; it doesn’t mean that it is the wrong decision.

I argued with myself, struggled, analyzed and rationalized. And you know God now, all the while I was agonizing, He was organizing things in such a way that it was virtually impossible for me to drag my feet on making the decisions I needed to make. When I was little (kai I’m ashamed to admit this) I hated to eat. So my granny would call one of the young men who worked for her and pretend to beat him; for some reason, this amused me tremendously. Everytime I laughed out loud (evil pikin tins), a piece of food would be popped into my mouth (I told you it was shameful) . I swear God did the same thing to me. Everytime I came up with an argument or something, He would quietly just make a move. It assures me though, it tells me how absolutely He is in control, that  even when we are tempted to sabotage our own growth, He works things in such a way that we have to option but to move to the place that He has planned for us. Awesome ba?

Let me share this Scripture – Proverbs 20:24 says, “A man’s steps are of the LORD; how then can a man understand his own way?” Don’t let anything make you feel bad for not always knowing the answers; not every answer is ours to know, sometimes, we actually need to take a leap in the dark..I think its called faith.

I remember tweeting one day that “There are things you cannot be indifferent or undecided about, if you want to walk on water, you need to get out of the boat”. I was there feeling like a bawse and I’m sure God fell off His chair laughing at my confidence as I wrote that tweet. Because when the time came, guess who was clutching the side of the boat, staring at the waves and thinking “Darn that water looks deep!”

I’m grateful though, I’m grateful for a Father who understands His children as thoroughly as Abba does us. He knows us – inside out. He doesn’t condemn your weaknesses, He uses them to effect the things that need to happen in your life. That’s how awesome He is!

And in the same vein Sometimes enough is the enemy of more.

Do you remember that time when you never had enough? How you walked everywhere so that you could save your transport money for food? Do you remember the times when your pockets and cupboards were always empty? And you woke up midnight to pray and bind and cast  poverty? You declared abundance by fire and commanded your breakthrough to come. Then things started trickling in and suddenly you could afford some things. Things weren’t great but at least you could buy eba with a piece of meat and take a keke to where you needed to go.

And you gradually forget that this wasn’t what you prayed for.

And when the opportunity finally comes to take a step to what you’ve always dreamed of, instead of excitement, there is fear. Fear because what if this falls through and I lose this small eba I have started eating? What if this is a mistake? Maybe I should just be content, practical, realistic. Because surely wanting more than this is greed. So you resolutely close the door on the opportunity to actualize your dreams and face the “just enough” of your daily life.

If this isn’t your story, it is mine. Life was gradually becoming comfortable, predictable…and I was in danger of forgetting the future because of the security of the now. I am thankful for the hunger He had started to stir in me though, the restlessness, the desire for something I couldn’t completely grasp.

I pray that God keeps me hungry guys, because my dreams are big. Much bigger than I am. Everytime I become comfortable, start to adjust, God shakes things up within me and creates an itch in my spirit, and suddenly I want more. And the day the opportunity comes, I am looking for it because He has made my seat uncomfortable enough to where I can no longer chill in peace.

I learned to listen to the truth behind my what ifs. You know now, you’re trying to decide and all sorts of things fill your mind and suddenly you’re thinking of every possible thing that can happen…your what ifs are a window to what the root issue really is. Fear of making a mistake, fear of loss, fear of rejection…when you diagnose your what ifs, you often find out that there is more to this issue than the decision you need to make. You might find something you have carried along for so long that it has become a part of your decision making process.

I hate that phrase – “the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know”. Really? How did we figure this out? So you stick with that drama filled partner who makes you more miserable than happy and you are scared to end it because what if this is the best you can get? You are scared to leave that job where the boss takes perverse pleasure in treating you like crap because you don’t think you have what it takes to get a better one? You stick with those friends whose compliments always sound like insults because if you stop talking to them you don’t know if anyone will talk to you…

Naw, I’ll take my chances with the angel. Thanks but no thanks.

Ok let me stop here…I just realised how long this post is…I’ll do my best to post the 2nd part of it later today or tomorrow, thank you so much as always for reading guys

Last but most definitely not least, Eid Mubarak to my Muslim readers, may God accept your prayers and overwhelm you with blessings.

 

 

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2 responses to “CLUTCHING THE SIDE OF THIS BOAT

  1. Brilliant piece, I’m looking forward to the second part please.

    And yeah, I’d so very much prefer to meet new Angels cos devils aint worth knowing…

    We need grace, God’s extravagant grace o to get out of that boat and walk on the water… Leap of faith really!

    Remain blessed Sis +

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