This isn’t really an end of the gratitude journal, but a compilation of thought and feelings…
July was good to me, and very dramatic…things happen that turn life totally on its head and suddenly you’re pondering a whole new direction.
I’m looking at August with expectation and great excitement; torn because of the things and people I will leave behind, excited because of all the possibilities ahead. A new opportunity means that I’m moving again, and I’m torn between reluctance to leave the familiar and excitement at all the things that lie ahead…heady mix…people say that when you make the right decision, there’s always peace in your heart…sometimes you don’t feel the peace, because thoughts are shouting too loudly and causing so many vibrations that you cannot feel any peace…so you stop thinking about how you feel and focus on what you know. And then you realise that you know what you’re doing.
I went out tonight with my darling cab guy Onyeka, got a craving for some citrus and decided to branch by Zone 4 to buy some oranges. Then decided I might as well buy some suya wings…my customer comes up to me – he’s the same guy I’ve been buying suya from since 2005 – 8 years now, he smiles, “Customer”, gives me an extra stick of wings…I will go and come back in 5 years, and when I walk up to him, he will glance at me and then with the same pleasant smile, will say the same “Customer” and give me some jara or the other.
There is comfort in things that remain the same.
I went out on a date yesterday. I sat down and for 4 hours, I laughed and listened and talked and I enjoyed it…there was no pressure to be, there were no assumptions, it was like meeting an old friend…or someone who I knew in another time. And when we realised the time, we walked down Adetokunbo Ademola at past 11 at night, watching people, sharing observations…I enjoyed the feeling of trying something new with no fear or expectations. Of just allowing myself to be in the moment. Off seeing the world through someone’s eyes and enjoying the view.
I made up with a good friend. One of those friends who you talk about anything and everything with, then I said something and she heard something else and she did something but I didn’t care and before we knew it we had become friends with nothing to say to each other ….in the days since our reconciliation we have gossiped and laughed and exchanged stories and in our conversations is the sweet flavour of a relationship restored.
I looked at the sex workers on the road tonight, I wish I could sit with them and hear their stories…find out who they have loved and who hurt them and what their dreams are. My date told me yesterday that these girls get raped on a regular basis; have they stopped caring, is it now normal, do they still cry for things lost? I looked at one as we drove past and she looked at me with blank eyes and I wondered what she thought as she looked at me.
I thought of a lost love…don’t think of it as much as I used to, and when I do it no longer hurts like it used to, but I thought of it briefly and I smiled at the beauty of all that we were for the time that we were.
Sitting down and stuffing my face with roasted corn and pear that my mother bought for me, I gave out a little sigh of sheer bliss and wriggled my toes at the delight of eating the things I liked…the smile on her face at my joy made my smile even bigger. There is beauty in those that love you without reservation, those who joy is sweetened by your joy.
Saying thank you for something everyday took my eyes off all the things that were wrong and opened them to all that was right in my world. There is beauty in the release of gratitude to the world around you and receiving a blessing in return, whether it is from the smile of a child or an unexpected gift.
There is a blessing in sharing these thanks and hearing people that you have never met share their stories, there is a smile in my heart every time someone sends in a message to let me know that they feel what I have written.
I am grateful for opportunity and possibility. For the sweetness of new things discovered and old things re-discovered.
I am grateful for the nervous thrill that precedes doing something that you have never done before
Thank you for being so wonderful to me July…Dear August, I can’t wait to see what you have lined up for me