Something strange is happening to me…not sure exactly what it is, all I know is that it is change…and I’m excited.
Sometime this year I made the decision to start Living Out Loud and it seems that opportunities have started to open up to me to truly live my life at top volume and in technicolour.
I have just finished reading the pieces for the writer’s workshop being organized by Elnathan John and Abubakar Adamu at the French Institute. I’m excited by this, because it’s one thing I’m doing for myself and my dreams of the future.
I am excitedly waiting news on something else that might be another direction in my life and I’m working on one or two things that have me equally excited. I’m tempted to start feeling overwhelmed: Can I cope? Isn’t it too much? Isn’t life simpler when you just do that bit you have to do to be ok? But restlessness won’t go away and it’s gradually pushing me out of my comfort zone…I don’t know where I’ll end up, but I know it will be worth it.
I want to pull my poetry out again. I’ve missed writing verse, my mind is full of opinion pieces and short stories…part of it I know, is because my poetry has always been borne out of sadness, and for the first time in what seems like a very long while, I am truly at peace, centred and full of joy. I guess my spirit is still re-calibrating; not sure what to do with so much sunlight…
I need to remember to be kinder to myself. I’ve had a busy week so far and it seems like it will be busy up to Sunday, yet I find myself feeling guilty for wanting to go to bed early, for doing some work and not doing others…bad habit; must stop.
Today I was about to start worrying and God dropped this nugget in my spirit: There is nothing coming my way that He has not already provided grace for. So no matter how busy I am about to get, I can deal with it, not because of me, but because His grace is sufficient for me. When I worry about not coping, it’s not a matter of inability; it’s a matter of a lack of faith. So I’m going to stop fussing and just trust that all I need for all I have to do is already here – present and available. I’ll rest assured that everything that is, is meant to be; and if it is meant to be, then it will be fine.
Ok, enough rambling…let me do my skipping (finally gotten up to 200 a day) and sleep. I don’t want to fall asleep during the workshop…I tend to doze off if I’m in one position for too long…if I doze ehn, I will just dig a hole in the ground and jump inside from sheer embarrassment.
Postscript: I wrote this piece on Wednesday night, before the workshop. I am glad to report that I stayed awake throughout the class. *phew*. More than that though, I acquired a more conscious awareness of my writing process and I know that my writing will reflect everything I earned on Thursday.
Second, I did my first recording of a poetry segment that will be airing on Mytv Africa. To be honest, I’d always felt that my work with media would be mostly behind the camera…apart from some documentaries I’m still playing with in my head. I didn’t expect to have as much fun as I did, but after I loosened up, I was amazed at how relaxed I was; and I know I will only get better.
All I can say at this point is that I am expectant and excited. I remember once in church when the Pastor asked us to make a request to God, and the only thing that came to mind was Psalm 81: 10 – Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it. He is filling my mouth, surpassing my expectations, and all I can do is continue to look forward with gratitude for all that is coming.