This is why I need to write more often. I’ve been trying to write something for a good while now. Everything I wrote felt very navel staring- ish. So I have stopped and decided to write to myself instead. Then I can stare at my navel as much as I wish without feeling or seeming self-centred. What should I write about?Well, it’s July in a week or so.
Let me write about how much July means to me; because it was the month that my life changed trajectory yet again. Remember sitting with my sister this time last year and telling her that I simply could not make it one more day. That God would have to carry me because I could not take it one more step.I was tired literally tired of the cards life had played me. Or rather, the cards I allowed to be played to me. I was exhausted.
Fast forward to 1 year later; and I’m bursting with ideas, dreams and visions. So many things to do, so many plans, so many hopes…Is it possible that one’s life could change so much in one year? And I know I haven’t started yet. How did I go from being unemployed and depressed to having a good job with a gradually developing and increasingly surprising life plan? How did I go from not knowing where my day was headed to all these intricate and ambitious ideas for all the things I just know I have to do? How did I start dreaming again?
This last year has been an awesome time for me and one of the most significant ways was also one of the simplest; I gained and lost friends, and learned some really hard lessons about people on the way. Like friendship should be a choice, not an accident; because there are people in your life that can quite literally derail you from your life path and ensure you never achieve what you are meant to. I drifted with a lot of people; people who had no clue who I was or what I wanted from life, and so who had no sense of where I was headed. Many of those friendships had me on another path that would have ended up in tears yet again but God so mercifully broke them, one after the other, until they were all gone. And as they disappeared from my life, with the clarity that hindsight brings, I realised just how dangerous these people would have been for me. It was an eye opener, and one that made me determined to be extremely careful about my choice of friends, so when recently, someone called me “guarded”, I smiled. I need to be guarded; I’m not about to let the wrong relationships and interactions spoil my dreams and derail me from my purpose. I’m grateful to God for spoiling thosefriendships before they had a chance to impact on me too much, and I have learnt not to chase every friendship, but to constantly assess; weighing and evaluating as I proceed. Deciding at each point which friendships I must nurture and which ones I need to let go of. The right relationships are destiny defining – the wrong ones too actually.
I am today surrounded by a circle of young achievers with visions, goals and dreams as big as mine. We are change makers; with the mental and spiritual wherewithal to take our nation and generation by storm. They don’t mind when I’m busy – they’re busy too. We meet up for chats and catch ups; there’s no time for gossip about who’s sleeping with whom and who cheated on whom with whom, they’re far too occupied with this plan or that project. It’s so inspiring, I talk to them and come away hungry for the kind of success that only a year ago, I would never have dreamed possible. Our friendships are a gift and a privilege; to me as well as to them.
Today, I spoke with one of them and we shared ideas. As I listened to this woman talk about a project in the works, I found myself re-evaluating yet again. How many of my many gifts and abilities am I actively using? How many of my talents are being constantly honed and refined? So I’ve found myself motivated to pick up my pen (or in this case, my laptop) and start writing again, “stirring the gift that lies within me”, trusting God for expression, that I use this means to achieve what I am meant to.
These are the friends I have now. Just one of the many changes in my life; one of the things I have picked up on this journey from where I am to where I intend to be.